And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Roman 8:28
The ability to incorporate and see both the good and bad things in our lives as a whole can help metabolize failures in our lives and possibly turn them into victories at the end.
It is crucial, too. Just because we encounter failures in our lives does not define us as failures, and neither does acknowledging failures. Nor should it instill a failure mindset. As long as we do not have a failure mindset and we can correct our self-talk, we can fail forward.
Winners have lost well, and losers cannot metabolize failure (Dr. Henry Cloud)
Even if we fail into this failure mindset, it is not the end of the world. We have psychotherapists and other helping professionals. Whatever you learn as a human, there is a high chance of you unlearning it with proper help, behavior modification, and cognitive restructuring. Avoiding or fearing bad things that happened to us does not promote any sense of wellness. If we want to live a life of wellness, then integration is the key.
Why We Tend To Separate The Good & The Bad
We want, by nature, to experience the good me, the good other, and the good world as ‘all good.’ To do this, we see the bad me, the bad other, and the bad world as ‘all bad.’ This creates a split in our experience of ourselves, others, and the world around us – a division that is not based on reality and cannot stand the test of time and real life. Scott Marshall
Therefore it only makes sense that we separate ‘the good and the bad’ in our lives. Even when trying to solve or fix things, we hardly resolve them together, because we do not regard them as a whole but rather as individuals (the good and the bad).
One area where I struggle with incorporating ‘the good and bad’ in my life, for example, is living in America and away from some of my family members can be very hard. It is good that I am here furthering my education and career, and married an American, yet at the same time not so good that I am away and miss home a lot.
Another example, me trusting God entirely in all situations without doubting when things go ‘bad’ from my perspective. Yet, the bible says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Roman 8:28
Cherry-picking the good and bad is a human tendency and most of finding ourselves trying to escape integrating both ‘the good and bad.’
Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. Lao Tzu
Being able to deal with loss and celebrate the small wins simultaneously lets us embrace life.
Learning To Incorporate The Good and The Bad In Our Lives
· Self-awareness – Knowing both your strengths and weaknesses can ease acceptance and metabolizing both good and bad
· Vulnerability – Be real and authentic with yourself first, then with others. This can minimize the tendency to avoid failures because we understand we are only human and far from perfect. Life never offers one without the other. If we want to live a meaning and purposeful life, we must practice vulnerability that leads to acceptance.
· Prayer for Serenity
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen. Reinhold Niebuhr
Thank you for reading, and may we all find joy in our lives throughout this week, and always. Please, feel to comment and share 🙂